Lynchburg Living

"Just a Thought..."

By Jon Dupin

A child’s character is forged everyday in every situation. And guess who makes the most indentions? Right on–us parents. They watch how we process and act on our emotions when things do or don’t go our way; they study how we handle moments that require integrity over compromise. Actions get witnessed, words are heard and then it’s all filed away in their hard-drive of a memory. It’s not long until those scenes drip down into their hearts and become normal human behavior for them. Scary, I know, because we are teaching them right and wrong whether we want to or not.

I’ve listed some practices and habits I try to live by, so the right character is formed and cemented in my children’s hearts while they observe mom and dad. There are countless more, but here are three:

1) Tell the truth all the time to everyone. Seems like a no brainer, but a white lie to avoid a ticket is still a lie and it’s being documented in the backseat. Yes, your kids are listening to you and Officer Roscoe discuss why he pulled you over. And they’ll tell him if you can’t seem to recall the real reason.

2) Say you’re sorry and admit when you’re wrong. Tough one, for sure, because the kids find out sooner rather than later that you’re not perfect. But let;s be honest–they will find out someday. Back to Officer Roscoe for a second. Getting a speeding ticket is a great opportunity to admit you were careless and had to experience consequences for your actions. Perhaps what’s more important is to apologize to your kids directly when you’ve personally wronged them. Your “sorry” helps heal the wound you’ve caused, and also teaches them that being wrong is part of life and making things right is the freest way to move forward.

3) Don’t fight with your spouse in front of your kids. Teach them how adults should argue and that doesn’t include a “Vegas Bout” in the kitchen among innocent bystanders. Sure, they need to know that it’s not always roses with mom and dad, but there are better methods than ringside seats. Besides, visible tension between the parents tips the entire house out of balance, so spare them the drama and take it behind closed doors. Afterwards, if necessary, let them know that everything is okay between mom and dad. Then explain how working out disagreements the right way is a healthy part of life.

Ultimately, words are important, but children learn and trust more from their parent’s actions. So, we can talk about our values and beliefs all day long, but living them out authentically is always the greatest teacher.